Binkie of Death

Linda and I walked the aisles of Babies ‘R’ Us today, scanner in hand, and we did our best to figure out what our baby will need for the first few months of their new life. We thought registering our baby would be fun, but once we started, we both felt enormous pressure. Unlike a wedding registry, where if you pick out the wrong accessory or piece of furniture, there’s little risk of death to the future user, this is not the case with a baby registry. We had to pick out a car seat, crib bumpers (before today I had never heard of crib bumpers), a stroller, and numerous other items that all could potentially harm – or fail to protect - our future child. With each pull on the scanner’s trigger and each little beep, I couldn’t help but picture us in the future, crying out, “Why, why didn’t we get the more expensive one?” Not to mention that for every item, there are so many different models and options. I counted no less than nineteen different kinds of pacifiers. Nineteen! This one’s BPA free, but that one is designed with proper dental development in mind, but no!, this one has a little air hole that prevents colic. What kind of parents would we be if we got a binkie that encouraged colic? Horrible parents, that’s what kind. And choosing a breast pump was the oddest part. Never in my life did I think I’d find myself saying the word “nipple” in the middle of a store on a Sunday afternoon, but there I was, not even thinking twice about it. Ninety minutes after starting, we pulled the trigger one last time and left the store, surprised at how exhausted we felt.

75 days until baby.

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