What memories will flicker across my brain when I recline on my deathbed? I can imagine what a few of them will be: getting lost in the woods with my best friend when I was seven, saying my one line in the second grade play (“Oh, how I wish I could join in the fight!”), my fourth grade teacher reading us “A Cricket in Times Square”, my oldest brother sticking up for me, my first kiss, the first time I unhooked a bra, my first climb up a mountain with friends during an early winter storm, proposing to Linda under the Eiffel Tower, our wedding, standing on the rim of the Grand Canyon – so many, and so many others that might or might not make the cut. One other that will definitely be there took place one year ago – the night when Linda took the test that told us she was most likely pregnant. I wrote a post back in November about that night, but I didn’t write about how we reacted. I need to start by explaining that one of the reasons why Linda and I are so well suited is because of how our personalities mesh with each other. We balance out. I, for example, worry less than I should about certain things while Linda worries more. When Linda showed me the pregnancy test, I was breathlessly excited, while she immediately started to worry. While we had never been completely against the idea of having kids, we hadn’t planned on it, and once Linda had reached 35, the fear of complications left her mind more or less made up that children of our own were not a likely option. So, at the sight of those two pink lines, she started worrying about possible problems with a pregnancy, the fact that we only had (and still only have) one bedroom, while I was thinking how fun it would be to have a someone to dig in the woods with. Linda worked herself up to the point where she had to play her zombie-shooting game on the Wii to relax and take her mind off everything, while I vacillated between trying to reassure her that everything would be great and that we shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves, that pregnancy tests are known to be unreliable. By the end of the night, I had mostly convinced myself that the test was probably negative, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Linda planned on trying see her doctor the next day to get the results confirmed. She had a hard time sleeping, but I probably dozed right off.
124 days old